tweetnotpurge1’s posterous

... I am happy it's ending soon. Haven't eaten more than 320 cals today. But it fucking bothers me I didn't make it to the gym. Feel guilty for not having done any workout today. If I stare to my side I see my spinning bike - just waiting for me to assault it. But just too tired by now.The running is really getting to me - not being able to. To think I did several ½M's in the spring and now nada running at all is just a slap in my face. Running is just pure meditation to me. I love when I hit the point where the legs just do what they do best - and my mind was left somewhere down the line - no thinking - no bulimia - no problems. The only thing I feel is the pulse in my body - pumping the blood hard through my vains and my feet hitting the road....Oh- and not to forget the iron taste in my mouth...addictive to that feeling --PURE bliss! The meaner the better!!Pain is temporary - pride is forever!

Headache seems to be my new black- Hitting my hard today too. Been drowning myself in water, but no effect. Hate taking those damn pills. Maybe sleep will be my salvation..

ED - been fucking me hard all day - Didn't slip - but in my mind I had at least 3 events going on. The sick thing about it is that a heavy b/p event takes around 10-20 min - but the mindfucking takes up almost every hour of my day...Im trying to figure out how come this have been going on for so many yrs. No man continues a negative pattern unless you gain something from it....What am I purging? What am I escaping from? How come I have this sick habit re inflicting pain to myself....One thing is certain; Im Ms Complex -nice to mee you!

Smilia

....can't seem to wake up - coffee not working the way it use to. Feeling a bit annoyed for some odd reason. Can't fingerpoint. Haven't gained weight - and haven't dropped any...Since I threw out my scale I use my jeans to measure. I miss that damn scale, but on the other hand I think it's very healty I threw it out. Thinking a lot of thoughts today. Mind is spinning! I feel ED taking up the space of my brain capacity. So Im trying to be two steps ahead. Craving! Tells it to shut up. I really don't like being in my own skin right now - any takers?

Smilia

...died this morning!! Sven Auken RIP - DK and EU will suck with out your intelligence and warm heart!!

I wasn't more than 8 yrs when I went to hear Sven Auken speak for the first time with my grandfather. Sad news! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Svend_Auken

Smilia

..my piercer today - when will I ever grow up? Guess when you enter that world it's hard to let it go again...Someone told me it's uncool to reveal the *where* being a woman, so not gonna tell. Easy peasy tho' ...

Haven't eaten much today - some melon and coffee. Have a terrible headache - hate taking pills - so drowning myself in water seems to be the only option. Have lost my patience re the toe, so today it's time to test it off. Need to go kill myself in the hills. Like I said prior, nothing beats running - even sex is overrated in that context.

DK is sunny for once - not warm tho'...But a day without rain is like going to Gucci and bye till you drop..Sun haven't been out in ages - and Gucci haven't been ropped by my lately....So maybe it's time to pay my fave store a little visit..soon.Just need the "time"... I know, skip act - what the hell, keeps my mind off all the thoughts that fucks me 24/7....Alot of ppl in the streets today- happy and smiling - drinking ice latte at the small cafe's in the cozy streets in the heart of city... I wish I was able to seat my ass and enjoy a such without constantly thinking about cal intake...Oh well....

Cleaned out the fridge last nite - now it's containing nothing but veggies, eggs and fruits. I feel like a baby - but it makes it easier to juggle. I hope!

Smilia

...haven't eaten a lot to day - coffee and water +125 cals-not healthy I know - but no need to trigger ED--Easier to control when im going by on this level..so will continue to keep my intake low for a while-Feeling dizzy and got this fucking headache...Off to gym - cant run - which is my love due to broken toe;( Wil do some rowing and weights - Need to burn and blow out some steam....I know im on the right path again - but wth does it have to be so rocky....Smilia

I will be blogging about my attempt to recover from bulimia + all my twisted thoughts. A tough battle that leaves me humbled by its overwhelming force. However, I am determined to slay the ED-demon once and for all. Currently I have been sober for 38 days - but had a slip in the beginning of this week. Lost track of the binge/purge events - kept going nite and day. I have managed to get back on the path to recovery again, and have till this day been sober 3 days. I chose to think of my slip as a hiccup - what I can expect in this process.Time to get my life back on track.

Smilia

Catch me on Twitter as well http://twitter.com/tweetnotpurge1